self-destruction is the greatest pleasure when you truly lack autonomy
and choice in your life. it takes a lot to go against your survival insticts,
but when you do and when you realise how much it can bring, you'll fall in love with
it. you'll fall in love with the idea of finally letting stuff out and not being shamed
for it. well, at least not as much as when you do it to someone else. i really am the
kind of person who directs all of their hurt and resentment inward and never outward.

am i saying you should be like me too? well, i wouldn't exactly reccommend it, but if
you think that your anger may spill out and cause great harm, the most moral answer is
self - destruction rather than the other option. it's sad, but it's what will give you the
most true, actual reverence and consideration from others.

but, then again, why should you care about others? humans are fucked up. huh. the ultimate
little paradox of mine. wanting respect but also hating everyone. i don't think i will ever
change my ways. desctruction of myself will always be the better alternative to hurting others.
it is a boundary that will never be crossed. no matter what.

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